“If you can’t say anything nice…”
It may sound cheesy, but it is true: the words we use with each other can make a real difference. When speaking with a person who is in pain or worrying about their health, language has an impact. I’m referring to “hot button words,” or what is technically called “negative affective priming.” People use them all the time, often with the best intentions.
It seems considerate to acknowledge a child’s fear and offer reassurance by saying something like, “It will only hurt for a moment.” But the human brain, in the interest of avoiding injury, pays a lot of attention to any indication that pain might be coming. Our antennae go up, so to speak, when we hear words like “hurt” or “pain.” In this situation, a negative times a negative does not make a positive. Saying “won’t hurt” does not prevent the reaction. It triggers the same alert as the word “hurt” itself.
The effects of using a “hot button word” were studied by researchers in 2012. The study involved German speakers, so the exact words differed, but they measured pain experienced by adults during routine blood draws. One group heard the equivalent of “Sting” at the moment of the needle insertion, while another group heard the equivalent of “Beware.”
When the results were analyzed, the “Beware” group reported a 40% lower pain score than the “Sting” group. That is a strong result from changing just one word.
Another study looked at the effects of language by measuring physical reactions instead of reported pain. For patients recovering from a procedure, researchers compared two approaches:
Approach 1: “Let us know when you feel pain. Do you feel nauseous?”
Approach 2: “Let us know if there is anything to make you feel better. We can always do something for you. Do you feel okay?”
The results showed that patients had a more negative physiological response to the first approach compared to the second.
This shift in wording may take effort at first, but it becomes easier with practice. You can start with simple substitutions like these:
- Instead of “Are you still having pain?” ask, “Are you feeling any better?”
- Instead of “It will only hurt for a second,” say, “It will be over before you know it.”
- Instead of “Don’t worry, the doctor won’t hurt you,” say, “I wonder if the doctor’s hands will be too warm, too cold, or just right?”
These small changes in wording—and what we choose to emphasize—can make a meaningful difference in a child’s medical experience. Choosing the right words is a tool available to every parent and family member, not just medical professionals.
Try them! It might help!